Monday, May 26, 2008

TOP 5 TRUE STORIES OF KRISTIN'S AWKWARD DATING LIFE

so...My sister Lindsay got me into blogging. I don't know why I'm on here. I'm not married. Not only am I not married... I don't have a fiancee... or a boyfriend. All of my friends (minus Ashley and Haley) are married. Their blogs consist of funny things their husbands do, the fact that they're pregnant, when they're due, or the changes that come with married life and how great it is. So...what's a single girl to do?! I suppose I could turn some heads with some news.... nothing really trumps creating another human being though...anything else I say here is pretty anti-climactic. 

Lindsay, though, often has me come over and tell her my dating stories. I must have some sort of sign above my head that only guys can see that reads, "Try out your awkward pick up lines on me! I'm up for anything!" What on earth?! if only you knew the random things guys have tried... So here goes...

THE TOP 5 TRUE STORIES OF KRISTIN'S AWKWARD DATING LIFE
(all names have been changed or omitted to protect the awkward...)

5. my date said "wow, your hips don't lie." while we were at a concert in SLC. It was about a week before I could even tell any of my friends about it I was so embarrassed a comment like that was SHOUTED above the crowd. 

4. once at Gold's Gym, I was on the treadmill just keeping to myself, listening to music and working out when this guy walks by. He kind of caught my eye and kept walking. He walks by again, (back the other direction) and catches my eye a second time but still doesn't say anything. This is the point in this story where the guy gains his "awkward" status. He walks by a THIRD time, looks straight at me says "hey" and kind of lifts his hand up so he's pointing at me. He then tries to act startled and says, "o, sorry, let me put the guns away" and grabs his right bicep with his left hand and pulls it down. I just started laughing really hard. The girl on the treadmill next to me was already off her machine sitting on the ground laughing. I don't even remember what happened to this guy. I assume he left. 

3. I think trying to pick up on girls at the gym is just a bad idea. I do cardio for about 40 minutes and then I have a 20 minute abdominal circuit that I do to finish up. At the end of that I'm pretty darn tired. Either way, at the end of the abs circuit, I do an ab hold for a minute where you keep yourself suspended on your elbows and toes and it hurts like mad. Quality exercise. Either way, I've got about 30 seconds left and this guy lays down right next to me on his back so our faces are about 3 inches apart and he's all suave "hey." in a low tone. With 30 seconds to go my face is completely red and I want to cut out my core and throw it across the room. I think I stared at him like he was my younger brother waking me up on a Saturday morning. Seriously, if he had waited 30 seconds I might have considered talking to him. He then asks how long i have left. I said 20 seconds so he starts clapping his hands in time and counting down from twenty. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I don't even remember how I got rid of that one...I think I just got up and walked away.

These next two cover the entire date...which both reek of awkwardness...so they're a bit longer. 

2. I had recently graduated from high school and attended a singles ward for the first time. It was fast Sunday and I had made the new year's resolution to bear my testimony every month. I did. and went through the rest of church. After church this guy comes up to me and compliments my testimony and introduces himself to me. I didn't think much of it, but when I went home (my phone number is unlisted) he called and asked me out for the next day. I worked a ton (2 jobs one 8-5 and then I would change in the car and work until 11) I didn't really have time to go out with him at all. He was pretty determined though and asked me to postpone my lunch to 3 so we could go get ice cream... The next day, he shows up at my office at about 10 to 3 and doesn't say anything to me at all. he just opens the door so we can go. The next 10 minutes were completely silent walking to the ice cream store. He opens the door for me again and says "you go first." these are the first words he had said the entire time. I hustle through the line and pay for myself so he can't. This didn't phase him at all... bummer. So we walk in silence for another 10 minutes. Y'know how most guys have an ice breaker question? like what do you like to do? or what are you studying? well...this kid's was "So...what's your favorite temple?" YEAH! holy cow? I said "San Diego" (this is no longer true...this experience kind of killed that for me.) He says "O yeah, a lot of girls really like that one." thus begins the third awkward silence of the date. (I did try to cultivate the conversation but all I got from him were one word answers so I kind of gave up.) His next question is, "So...are you one of those typical girls who like diamonds or are you more of a ruby, sapphire, emerald kind of girl?" at this point I looked straight at him and said, "I'm not really a ring person." (This is a total and complete lie. I was wearing like 3 rings at the time) And he says, "Even if it looks like this?" and pulls a freaking diamond ring out of his pocket! I stood up, said i had to go and walked back to work early.

 1. I moved to Utah last summer early for a job. The day I moved into the ward my roommate got hit by a car. She had a couple of broken ribs, a bruised lung, and a fractured leg. She asked me if I would sing in church when she was well enough to go back. I contacted the ward music chair and gave him my number to call me with details on when I would be able to sing. I get a phone call back from him and he asks me out to a movie. This wouldn't be weird, but i couldn't go cause I worked all the time. He asks me about my schedule for the next couple days and says he'll get back to me. He calls the next day and says he found a showing for this movie, then says that he'll pick me up at 9...the next morning! When he picked me up, we get on the freeway, for 40 minutes. The only showing that would work with my work schedule was 40 minutes away at 10 in the morning. wow. at least his determination was impressive. The car ride wasn't bad. We mainly talked about the movie. But when we're pulling into my work, he asks me if I'll do him a favor. I said it depended on what it was. The following conversation went like this.
"Would you try on this dress that I made?"
"What?"
"Would you try on this dress that I made?"
"uh? what does it look like?"
"Well, I crocheted it out of rainbow yarn. That's what I like to do. I crochet" 
"uhhh"
"I just think it would look really good on you, it's tall and slender just like you."
"no, I don't think that would be a good idea. I have to go to work."
"just think about it ok?"
"uh huh!"
So I went to work. 
Three weeks later, he sits down next to me at ward prayer.
"So, have you thought about it?" 
"Thought about what?"
"Trying on the dress?"
I don't think I'll ever get out of this one.
I told my father this story and he said, "Kristin, this is where you turn and run!" 

That's ok. It gets a good laugh out of Lindsay and Mackay. I suppose that's what's important here anyway. :) 

3 comments:

Jessica said...

I've heard these stories... over and over.. but It's better now that I can read it whenever I want.. The ab circuit or crochet boy will forever and always be my favorites..
oxoxox
jeshie..

Melissa said...

Oh my heck! You have some great stories! They really made my day. I kinda wish guys would try random pick up lines on me, but I can see how it can get awkward really fast. I can't believe the one with the ring. Honestly was his next line, "I remember you from the preexistence"??? That would have just fit perfectly. Keep up your blog. I look forward to fun stories.

The Better Idiot said...

Ah! This one I love. I love you.